Friday, September 14, 2012

Years ago, when I started to dig in the archive and found an interesting stuff about one picture collection that was once famous but was for long forgotten, I thought I was the only one who was interested in it. And maybe some two or three other scholars. I brought out what I could, what I was able to read and what I was able to reconstruct. To my surprise, I figured out some key moments in the rise and descent of the collection. I had an article in a book, rich, long, enthusiastic (with some factual mistakes on top). Few months later I received a letter from Magonza that my findings are of special interest among local scholars there. I was pleased, what can I say. With the help of certain people, I could fix some parts of my article and republish it in their Zeitschrift. I started my PhD., found more stuff in the same archive, it was better than anything before, I had it translated and started to show it around. Then I realized how overwhelmed I am with my regular job and with my studies. My kid was in the kindergarten all day and I started to feel nervous. So I gave up the PhD. Good bye. I am traveling to a castle in West Bohemia today. A circle of people from Magonza are visiting there and they asked me to give them a tour. It is my Swan's song of my research. After I come back home I will put all the papers in boxes, shovel them deep inside of the cupboard and walk away. From then on my life will be easier.


Francesca said...

I was a little sorry to read this Magda. It is sad when a young woman and a mother can't find a way to pursue her academic interests and studies. I hope your current job is fulfilling, and that something will still come out of your expertise in the collection- even though not a degree.

Bohemian girl said...

Dear Francesca,
thank you for your sympathy but it does not make me sad that I dropped it. I was feeling like I was beating on an empty sack, to use some kind of a metaphor. I did not mention that I have been involved with the theme for quite a long time and it was not giving me any fulfillment anymore. And since I don't need the degree so much there needs to be at least some joy and that was not happening.